(:

2010-11-19T23:57:00.002+08:00

people in my class see me as being a 'happy go lucky', 'joval', 'happy', 'cheerful', 'always smiling' kind of person.
i wonder why...
hahas.come to think of it, maybe its because they have just seen that part of me yet.
people see me as being happy, xin fu and so on...yah, its true..cause i have a nice boyf which everyone else wants.
but hu will ever see this side of me where im not v close to my family....
and i do not have any close friends.
pathetic right?

hmm, when all ur secondary friends go jc, u r the only one being left behind.
when people i am having hols, pple are mugging.although working hard to promote is hard..but at least they are all together.
when they are celebrating the end of promos, im struggling to stay awake in class.
when they are enjoying the festive season of the year, i would be trying to complete my assignments...
that is how different it is
and that is when u realise, no one is there.

i guess this is what it feels to feel withdrawn

sometimes i just need someone ELSE to talk to but it seems so difficult to find one.

2010-11-12T23:12:00.002+08:00

even if a prince exsisted, 'Once Upon A Time' and 'Happily Ever After' would never happen.

2010-11-11T22:17:00.002+08:00

out of 7 days, only 3 days i need to go to school for lessons...
at first like super shuang luhh (:
budden now, juz got this really sian feeling lohh
cause totally like in hol mood.
hahas.but i totally should not be complaining
back to school.alright.
i found someone in my class which i can really clique with.but sadly we are not in the same clique.but i guess that is enough ba (:
during an activitiy we were supposed to look at ourselves in the mirror and praise one thing about ourself.
i realised...i cnt do it.i juz like look somewhere else...
hahas.i didnt knew it would be so diff..cause like everytime in tv shows u look at actors and actresses doing that right.but it is really reall hard...
im sure many of the pple out there is the same luhhs.
guess i really need to build up my self identity.
hmm.things we are studying this sem is much more interesting than i thought (:
i really like that the fact we are dealing with human beings, and not other stuff ...
cause u really get to know more about urself , what r u like in the past, what would u be like in the future and stuff. other than that u also get to see so many cute videos of infants, toddlers and preschoolers doing cute stuff (: hahas. it really makes ur day.
hahas.someone told me that i wont be a psychologist (im not sure what hidden meaning she has) and another told me im more suited to be a kindergarten teacher...hahas (:
but but i dont really wanna be a teacher luhhs.
i want to be something more....but im not sure what is it yet...
the more i study, the more i feel that mother plays an important role in childrens early years...
hahas.but there is a possibilty that i study so hard that one day i will stay at home and take good care of kids right?so what is the point?hahas.i know it is still far luhhs.
but time flies lehh.soon we would graduate and go uni le...

okay.i think im juz crapping.

actually im posting juz to vent out something....
i really dislike pple who do volunteer work to get cca points
who helps pple cause they think that it is very wei da and not really zhen xin yao bang ta men
who are so egocentric and they are the best
who is says they hate politics but they are the kind of pple that start politics
who is willing to take but not to give
who backstabs
who act cute infront of others but at their backs say they hen hao pian
and worse of all wants to be a psychologist just to earn money

2010-10-05T22:37:00.002+08:00

i used to dislike pple saying that 'the world is unfair'.
but i dont know why, this few days especially, this few words kept appearing in my mind .
maybe im juz not talented enough,
maybe im juz not hardworking enough.
but in this world, or should i say this society, no matter what we do, we cannot help but to keep comparing ourselves to others. always thinking that others is better than u always make us feel inferior.
self-esteem....hahs.

demoralised.

volleyball in seconday school days.
olevel results with not even a single A1
g8 piano student with the standard of g5 and YET wants to learn music therapy in the future
music student who wish to perform on stage but never have the chance and ability to do so
poly student with results full of Bs but not As

who am i?

2010-10-02T14:16:00.002+08:00

just got the sudden urge to update my blog.but i guess no one would be reading it so i can juz blog anything i like and not care about other pple thoughts...
seriously, i juz hate poly life. i juz cant stand this kind of environment where u can trust no one and YET, u are force to work with them.
but now, its hols i guess i should not be thinking about this stuff and instead cherish the time before school reopens.
i think if it is not for deardear, im juz a pathetic soul. it seems that al my secondary school friends are all in jc.even if we meet up, just feel so left out cause most of them are telling me how they wish they are in poly and nothing else. but definitely, i really really still treasure them as friends, and hope that they are doing fine and would score well in jc.hopefully nxt time we can be course mates in uni (:

just got my results yesterday and i wasnt really happy about it. i cnt believe that i actually cried. i juz bu gan xin luhhs. really. how come pple get better results than me when i am the one who contribute the most in every single proj. and and.. one of my so called "friend" even blamed me for "saving" my friend. i mean, even though she did not contribute a lot for the proj, budden it is not that bad that we have to do that right?do u really think that juz because i did not write any comments for peer evaluation that she got marks that she dont deserve?and why are u thinking it like this anw?isnt she ur friend?is not as if she got higher marks than u right. u r the one who get higher marks then me. and i really feel v bu gan xin.
i feel like a hypocrite.

ip is over now, yup.tiring.tasks to do and im still procrastinating.
miss those children (: maybe i shuld juz be a kindergarten teacher. hahas (:
at least, now ive something to aim for...
srsly feel like going overseas to take my degree, but it srsly ex luhh.so i think i shuld forget about it.

2010-08-21T15:42:00.002+08:00

it has been quite awhile since i've blogged.
my un-interesting life does not motivate me to blog about anything anyw.
it seems that many jc peeps are envious abut poly pple.but im still interested to experience how jc life is.
but whatever.i guess i will die in jc anw.
poly too.
i guess its all about meeting the right kind of pple and stuff.
so envious of pple hu can enjoy their poly life, with so many nice friends around them going camps, outings and so on.
me?
trusted the wrong kind of pple, receiving all kinds of shit from group mates, acting its okay but its not (i know im xu wei) and...getting threatened by group mates.
i know i shuld stand out and retaliate some how like what deardear always tell me, to guai lan them.but dont know, maybe i still believe that we can still become good friends one day. i juz want to get over this quickly, i would tolerate as much as i can, cause i dont want things to end up worse. dissapointed.really.
hopefully 3 years later i can meet better friends and not juz acquitances.
academic wise, half sem gone alr, left 2 exams (:
but ive tried my best, all my grades are either B or B plus.i only got one A bfore. which is definitely not good enough cause everyone are getting Bs.
so much of a paper chase isnt it?how come ive become like this?
i juz want to meet the right kind of pple hu really cares abut u. friends threatening friends?acting everything is okay but its nt?
whatever

but on a happier note, feel that ive chosen the correct course (: really enjoyed everything ive learnt, playing goop and dough, going on a bear hunt during tutorials. compulsary excursion to kids amaze, kindergartens, internship, having children calling me "teacher liting" and even kissing me on the first day when i met them...

yup, and this few days met up with a lot of secondary school friends, although i dont really like hearing too much stuff abut jc, but at least i feel comfortable and happy with them (: cause at least i know they are true friends that would nvr threaten me or hurt me when i let down my guard..

2010-07-01T17:43:00.002+08:00

it only 5.45 and it feels like 11 alr ):
tired.
have been breaking down this few days..
facing a lot stress. assignments and somethings a bit bu gang bian to say here.
but its juz, everything is not going my way.
mood swings.

nvm,6 more weeks!
but juz realised i still got internship on the first 2 weeks of hols ):
i dont dislike the going to kindergarten part.
i hate the going home part where we have to reflect this, wrtie running records,this and that ):

first day of internship,which is today..
yup.when u r with children u can really have fun (:
at the end of the day, feel so drained and tired.playing is tiring too kayys?but of course i prefer playing

going meet deardear soon!then need to do assignments.
again.
and i cnt concentrate.

2010-06-06T16:20:00.003+08:00

it seems that our course is really different from others
no IS.i think no S&W oso la ):
no common test week.
other pple is test plus study week
ours is lesson plus tests
weird...
hahas.
but luckily we only got 1 test nxt week.DPL
but it is driving me mad alr.
mugging.
yup.me mugging.
grr.

holidays there is elearning,proj,individual assignments.
haixx.
hectic. ):
and i cnt afford to slack.

2010-05-28T15:10:00.004+08:00

nice friday afternoon
kind of miss pool xD
hahas.
its been a long time since ive blog randomly bah
and today would be the day.
almost 2 months in poly.to be exact,6 weeks?
and ive definitely made the right choice choosing poly instead of jc at least for now (:
poly life is definitely tougher than i tot
every day seem like a brand new day,though there are not much things to look forward too,but it seems less "routine" like.
got a feeling that i am going out too often and seriously cant cope with the assignments.
but oh well.i should try.
at least now a days i got a sense of urgency to go home quickly everyday but still,almost everyday i reach home at 9 plus 10.
mum seems much kan kai le.for some reason.she didnt really scold me for reaching home so late.hope this would continue.
CPEE is a fun course cause how many courses get to go on excursions almost every thursday?
and how many course get to start their internship on the first year?(:
but of course,after every single excursion there is always assignment and internship there is like so much task!
but its a learning journey i guess.
youing adults learn through play too!

and im quite happy wenxiu and weiting smsed me to ask me when is my hols (: this means im not forgotten! HAHAS.
hope there would be a small outing

shall go chiong assignment le(:

2010-05-13T22:46:00.002+08:00

st joesph church kindergarten today! (:
me and rachel were attached to a nursery class (:
and it really surprise me that those children are so out going!
although i was super tired and i was suppose to be writing down observations, but i juz didnt really care.seeing their smiles on their face and calling me liting jie jie really made me forget that im suppose to be there for work n not play (:
all of them or super cute la.when we went the outdoor playground they all want to play with me la..
like asking my go draw with them,play catching with them,listen to them tell story this and that.
feel so bad that i neglected some of them as i can only be one place at a time (:
then a part i find it quite cool was when all of us took out our water bottles to have a drink a boy started saying he dont like orange( cause my bottle was orange) then after that i started insisting i like orange.then some of them say them like pink,some like blue and so on.
then slowly all of them start saying they like orange (: inclding the guy hu say he dont.
hahas
SO CUTE RIGHT?
hahas (:
i know that they will soon forget me la..but for me,i would nvr forget this wonderful experience (:

2010-05-13T00:02:00.002+08:00

SCIENCE CENTRE WITH BFFs (:
hahas.super long nvr blog le la (:
and im like blogging in the middle of the night when im like super super tired ):
but i seriously think i have to kayys?
cause im suppose to write a 600 words relection and it is counted as a assignment.i think is like 25% of the module can?
600 words isnt a lot.but i hope i can write some quality stuff.hehes.

then the purpose that im blogging is to "record" down how i feel so that maybe i could remind me how i felt if i forget xD
lame shit right?
hahas.

okay.random.took 170 photos today.
met super early at yishun and mrt to jurong east!
335 to science centre.
saw a super kong bu dinosaur outside la (: and it was growling.okay,seriously kong bu cause it was THAT big and it was at the entrance so we have to pass by it ):
mac
and i was super sad cause ive no money.):
first time so budget sia (:

went the kinetic garden outside the sci centre and played with all those fun stuff! (:
all those levers stuff and some optical illusion.hahas (: simple but fun okay?especially for kids!we knoe what is happening but i guess kids dont,so maybe they would find it amusing? (:
i like the measuring the height think most can? (:
there was this man figure holding a light then u are suppose to stand (moving forward and backwards)on a platform and see the mirror on the ground till u see a light in full.
then u get to see ur height! though it is like super logical but i still find it cool cause it is accurte!

admission fee was suppose to be $9 cause both me and wanteng are 17 alr = not child (:
budden end up super funny,we got child tickets cause wenyee showed her pass and not us (:
was super damn happy cause i saved that $4 (:

there were a lot of little exhibits when we were walking inside there alr.
too many so cool stuff la (:
though some we know but i still find it cool (: hehes
hahas.
and i should also say,although some we dont understand,we still find it cool (: HAHAS.
i still dont understand the optical illusion abut the 13 ships become 12 ships thing but hu cares ! some are scary though.

walked through it and we went to the main exhibits thing.hahas.mostly the things are vvv nice but i dont understand (: so noob la.
then those we understand we find it lame.hehes.
went to this sound exhibits place.
realised my hearing is not really good la.as in i dont know where the voice come frm ):
wenyee is pro man (:
and my ear can hear the lowest freq a human can hear but no the highest
can only hear like 17 when normal human can hear 20
forget what is the units man ):
but hu cares! i dont need to take triple science anymore! HAHAS.
random thought.
i miss maths ):
oh well.
sound exhibits really tire our ears or maybe brain that we all got headache.think is the high freq sounds fault.
oohhh.and there was this super cool piano thing
where u can see it playing
and u can see the inside of the piano
and u can see the notes thingy move as in those paper with little dots to let the piano"read"
and some percussion instru! damn cool !
though it cost us 50cents,but it was worth it!

then we went to discovery zone! WHERE CHILDREN LEARN THROUGH PLAYING (:
hahas.
so much things for ask to play though we were( or maybe only me ) was xia dao by a lot of things.
like the the a wind thing where u walk then the wind blow,
the music thing where u walk across got music
and i was super xia dao by the slug!
cause there was this tank supposingly got slug,but i could see it!
then when wenyee and wanteng saw it,they were like furiously point and pointing.but for some reason i juz couldnt see it!then wenyee even took out her phone,switch to cam mode and keep point it through the screen
and i juz couldnt see it.
and juz when i was seriously scaning around those plants i saw two eyes,staring at me.
OMG.itt was the slug,i literally jumped loh.
there are also a lot of puzzles over there.
and we concluded that it is not really suitable for children
hahas.DAP!
cause its CHIM.
and we dont think kids can do it.
we solve one puzzle.but i juz cnt solve a stupid 4 cube puzzle.

nxt we went to dna and maths section.seriously nothing much there and we were sian cause those things were either too easy for us,or too chim! hahas.

there were oso many many aquariums (: but i dont really find it interesting.
and there was these waterfall thingy?hmm,i v cool system/invention that the 3 of us concluded that it is a v nice place for guys to qiu hun.hahas (:

CHIP AND DALE AFTER THAT! (:
CUTEEEEEEEEE

okay.went imm,and back np and we gossip all the way till 8?
'im suppose to blog more but i cnt ta han le):

tml going st joesph kindergarten again!
to observe them.
okay its fun,
but at the same time...really need to focus cause need to write report ):
and it is graded ):

okayokay.shall stop complaning.
this post is seriously like crap.

2010-05-08T15:27:00.003+08:00

nxt week is elearning week (:
the only happy part is that no need to wake up so early ):
deardear elearning week is not the same as mine so cnt go out so often
but still,i need to go back np for a module and oso cca.
a lot a lot of assignments need to do.and its graded ):
things to do are piling up like nvr ending.and yup,im still in the hol mood.
hahs.

shall stop talking abut school work (:
thur went to st joesph chuch kindergarden for first part of obsevation (:
SO CUTE CAN?
hahas.cnt post the pics though
but but.children are so cute (:
a 3 yr old boy even gave me his pampers la (:
hahas.and i hug him okay?? (:
hahas.enjoy thursday field trips (:
but but but,
we need to do reports ):

sick for the whole week!):
like everybody is falling sick la!
oh well,shall blog another time!

me and deardear last fri wearing S&W shirt (cause like every freshie wear it so we wanna try wearing it for a day)

trying to open our eyes as big as possible (:

naturally our eyes are so small,didnt have enough slp ):

i want this vvv much ):

pics @ pizza hut,quite a loing time ago...

p.s

me and deardear's blog :

www.theincywincy.blogspot.com

2010-04-24T20:37:00.002+08:00

first week of school (:
i guess the first 2 days of school was the only high one (:
then energy ran out really quick no matter how much sleep i get.
really hate squeezing 74 esp after school.
thats all (:
and i really glad that im in cpee,not a jc (:

2010-04-21T00:19:00.002+08:00

POLY LIFE
dont know where to start from (:
first day it isnt as bad as i think.
CPEE.T03 (:
hahas
17 girls
2 boys.
better tha i expected alr (:

is so easy to get lost in a campus la.
and and.traffic jam every morning n evening.n i was late on my first day cause the jam was so terrible.many pple were late oso la.
super kua zhang la.the jam i mean.
kind of like my timetable as in cause ive only got 2 hr of lesson tml n it starts at 2!
no lessons on thur!(: cause in our cause we r having outing/field trips! (hahas.that is what we call it cause it is outing activities like we get to go kindergardens,west coast park like childrens do.hahas.but im sure need to do a lot of reports and stuff after that)
friday normal.
mon and tues damn hectic (: hahas.9 to 6.
most of the morning have to wake up at 6 even though lessons starts at 9.need to have breakfast,and traveling there is v xin ku la.esp when u have no place to sit (:
and im like super cheerful everyday for some reason
cause it is v diff frm my sec 3 n 4.but i think the main reason that cause it isnt juz abut maths,science passing ur olevels anymore (:
hahas.
is abut
children (:
is like imagine everyday we talk abut children,so fun la (:
hahas.hope my passion for this can last lohh.if nt i think i will me struggling
or maybe im alr kind of stressed up.cause heard that all the assignments n tests will come all at the time.scared cnt cope la.and they said first yrs are easy,but looking at all the lesson plans alr scared me.
there are so much things i wanna say la.(:
but i think wont get to say finish.
TIRED.

p.s.i have the best deardear in the whole wide world (:

2010-04-17T13:20:00.002+08:00

poly life is going to start soon.and im still not looking forward to it.
induction camp on wed....
yup.made a few new friends and seem that all nt in same class (: hahas.
class list is out.17 girls n 2 guys in our class.
is better than i thought alr.
it seems that in poly it is really v diff.
the people and everything.
yup.
dont even know what i need to bring on monday.
laptop?
hahas.
heard that need to buy textbk.but what text?
lecture notes?do we need to print it out?
dont even know where r the places we need to attend tutorials n lectures.
i guess everyone is kind of scared.
yup.thats abut it (:

2010-04-14T00:35:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 14 MONTH TO ME AND DEARDEAR(:

deardear away for orientation camp.
moody for the past 2 days.
cause life without deardear sucks.
i guess im relying on him too much and i shuld find my own life soon if nt i will emo the whole day over little stuff.

so not looking forward towards poly life cause
1.have not made any friends yet
2.need to sleep early and wake up early
3.need to study (tough.cause have nt been using brain for the past 6 months)
4.need to attend lectures (classes) again
5.still have nt stock up clothes n bags(even though i have been spending a lot of money)
6.cnt see deardear so often anymore
7.deardear would have his own life.

maybe im juz nt ready yet.

p.s. i miss you.

2010-04-11T15:03:00.002+08:00

its been quite awhile since i blogged (:
a week more to school reopen.
and well,there are a lot of uncertaincy.
hu am i going to meet,what wuld i be studying (cause it is nt a 100% thing that im in the course),what wuld me n deardear's future look like.

suddenly loss of emotions to blog cause i juz sort of wanna keep my blog updated
but cant seem to express the emotion n thoughts in my mind right now.

maybe im thinking too much this few days.

2010-03-26T22:13:00.004+08:00

for the past few days i have been webcaming n playing msn games with deardear till late late (: then waking up past noon n then go out with deardear (: hahas

juz a few more weeks more to school reopen):

dont wish for that to happen actually.

today me n deardear bought incy and wincy out to the library (:

watching vid n playing msn games the whole afternoon.

so cool (: hahas

was in a good mood n my mum have to spoil my mood again ):

pictures!

so cute right? (: hahas.spend $8(deardear's money) total got 5 diff one n we took 4 tries then each time got diff de.so lucky lohh (: then after 4 tries then we finally got the one we want,the chip n dale one (:

2010-03-24T22:56:00.003+08:00

my v first time blogging using my own laptop (: hahas
MY OWN (:
yup.juz got it on mon (: PINK FUJITSU (: (even the keyboard is PINK )
silver prtable hard disk drive from IT fair
red portable hard disk drive case from funan
WHITE/gray egg mouse (super damn cute n small) frm funan (:
and my PINK &BLACK onto headphone which i got a few months ago (:

with my neat room,
im super duper happy (: hahas

less than a month more.
i really dont wish for school to reopen so soon?
cause i know when school reopen i cnt see deardear so often le.and when school reopen,im going to be alone,and i really have no idea what kind of friends i wuld make and wuld my poly life be a boring or fun one.
and of course at the same time,have to control myself and really push myself to study.
i seem to be worrying too much...
and im so not ready for poly life.

mum giving me lots of prob as usual.super pekcek.
really dont know how to say?
i gave both of us a chance to understand each other more but i guess ntng works.
maybe she herself is too stress over her work.so yah.
i shall juz bear with it.

and i guess all most of my friends are happily enjoying their jc life.
or maybe too busy?
during the hols the only jc friend hu asked me out is rachel.
and there is really a difference...
even at 45 class bbq majority of the pple are talking abut jc stuff which makes us 'poly' pple super pekcek.i mean i know that is nt their fault,if i was them i might do the same thing.but i sort of hoped they would juz spend 5 mins of their time to not talk abut jc stuff and instead catch up with us,but i guess,it is not possible.i put in the effort but i think its time to let go.
shizheng hu was in our 'clique' that night us the jc pple really despise poly pple.
its hard to imagine.but its true.

i know i still need to learn to let go.
if nt i wuld nvr be a contented and happy person.

2010-03-17T23:30:00.002+08:00

super moody these few days.
mostly because of mum.

2010-03-14T00:13:00.002+08:00

finished my g6 theory ! hahas.half way through the exams got gastric lohh.super super pain ): then i seriously no mood to do le ):
but oh well.its over
no need to study every night le (though i didnt really study,but more of flipping through the pages) hahas.
hopefully can pass lah (:

fund fiesta today (:
met up with friend,n it seems v diff alr,seem we r so apart.
and like what ive said yesterday,some teachers really gave me the feeling...
hahas.n such a coincidence i saw mr voo n oso mrs lai at hub lohh (:
mrs lai is still as nice (:
n she looked so happy when i told her i got b3 for eng.hahas (:
and she still say if deardear bully me tell her,she will help me (:

dont know my mind seem to be drifting off today
now that exams r over i dont know what to do?
dont feel like watching vid or anything i can think of.

2010-03-12T20:41:00.003+08:00

deardear is back frm bangkok with lots of presents for me (:
and for the past few days we have been searching for laptop n today we finally placed our orders (:
im going to get a fujitsu PINK laptop frm school and deardear,the same series white.of course his is more ex n with better specs (:
PINK (: hahas
YAYE(:
though i didnt get vaio,but it doesnt matter anyway (:
im going to get the white egg mouse(if i gt spare $$) n i got my silver portable hard disk to go with my laptop.n of course going to get a nice nice laptop carrier too but doesnt seem to have the mood to go stock up my clothes n bag for poly.n no $ ): haixx

going amkss tml for awhile.
dont have this strong feeling to the school anymore,
cause maybe,i got this feeling that some teachers juz want to see those student hu scored well n entered a good jc compared to juz a poly?
hahas
juz my feeling i guess.
n i wuld like to catch up with my friends and stuff,but i guess,poly pple will juz feel left out some how...cause we are the minorities (at least in my case cause most of my friends entered a jc)
oh well .
kind of bothered with the self-centred thingy again.

G6 theory tml.
YES
tml.
have i studied?
nt sure lehh
hahas (:

2010-03-08T15:07:00.002+08:00

deardear in bangkok ): miss him so much ):
but tml he is coming back le (: means i can talk on phone with him tml night n wed i can go out with him le (:
so mean while i shuld juz guai guai study for my g6 theory exams which wuld be held this sat ):
deardear say will treat me eat fish n co if i get dist n mof if i get merit (: so i think i muz stop going out so often n start studying.

deardear wrote 4 letters for me bfore he left which im suppose to read one per day either on 11.11am or pm (:
1 more letter n deardear will be back (:

off!
to piano lessons ):

p.s deardear,faster come back ):

2010-02-25T23:47:00.003+08:00

yesterday went out with deardear again (:
went chinese garden (: hahas.
but abut an hr jiu left le.v sunny n warm.hahas (:
deardear bfore tat still say want go the japanese garden beside loh.but end up really buay ta han
went IMM after that and send deardear back to yishun (:

7stories high ):

today,pool in the morning.

afternoon went tania hse to bai nian with renee,xt n of course deardear

valerie n linghui was there oso.

blackjack,mahjong,inbetween whole afternoon till 8 plus like that

omg like du gui lahh

got to stop all these after new yr man.

so kong bu.hahas (:

quareled with mum again yesterday ):

cnt stand her.

i studied 1hr plus today (:

2010-02-23T23:09:00.003+08:00

2 piano lessons yesterday

yes.

i know.
i need to work hard
i need to.

exams on 13th.

today pool with deardear
came my hse after tat and FINALLY completed our hse (:

2010-02-21T23:02:00.002+08:00

twofive07 hop bai nian (;

shar,andy,zhensiang hse

blackjack,in between,poker whole day.

2010-02-20T23:40:00.003+08:00

movie with deardear yesterday "all well ends well "

and went bottle tree (: took pics with the fei fei budden kind of diff to get the angle right to take pic so end up take a few (:

today met my deardear oso n keep eating n eating.xin wang at 3,zi char with him,his faml n vivien's boyf (:

went safra for pool awhile bfore that

hahas.

and dinner got crab crab (: ( deardear want me to blog de )hahas

2010-02-18T19:43:00.002+08:00

went to shizheng hse on chu san (: with germaine,deardear n rachel.
then 4 of us(ex rachel ) and shi zheng bro went play pool
after that slacked and slack.

yesterday,
pool,movied,valentines day (:
went out with deardear the whole day.

today,pool with renee,xt n deardear (:
xt hse for mahjong with weikang after that (:
out with deardear again tml (:

2010-02-15T23:32:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO KANGTING (:
happy cny n v day too (:
and of course.one yr anni to me n my deardear (: though it was yesterday.
n we did nt meet up yesterday cause it is the first day n both of ur were busy visiting relatives):
but at least we web cam last night,
miss him so much lah (: but at least he is mine soon (: hahas.everyday going to go out with him (:

yesterday busy bai nianing (:
kind of emo due to some/a lot faml prob
yahhh..

today chu er (:
went bian nian with rachel,germaine,szeron n junwei joined at evening time (:
went germaine hse first,then rachel auntie hse for steamboat(paisehh), my hse (:
then deardear joined us.after that went szeron hse then rachel left us ):
mahjong n cards whole day (: hahas

gg shizheng hse tml (:
off!
webcam n games with deardear again.

2010-02-13T16:32:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO GERMAINE AND XUETING(:

past few days have been rotting at home.yesterday went out with deardear n weikang.

this year chinese new year i dont think wuld be an enjoyable one.
due to some faml prob,i guess i wont be meeting most of my relatives.aiyahh.
dont know y this few days im disliking my faml more n more.
my mum esp.

tuan yuan fan oso nt really tuan yuan,
bai nian oso nt really bai nian.no point actually.

only looking forward to going other pple hse n bian nian (: hahas.
sian.

2010-02-09T22:54:00.002+08:00

today was suppose to play mahjong with deardear,renee and xt
budden end up,xt was sick ):
had pepperlunch in morning then went played pool with deardear,
renee joined us then off we go play pool again (:
had our teabreak as mos burger(:

then me n deardear watched the imaginarum of docter parnesses
quite dissapointed lahh.think the story line quite good de.
juz that front part super boring,nt much climax and most importantly the story was nt depicted v clearly?hahas
think i too much comments le,budden i waited for this movie to come out for abut a month le?ever since jiaqi told me abut it.

enjoyed my day (:
kind of scared that nxt time me n deardear will have no topic to talk abut loh ):
aiyahh,dont think too much le (:

2010-02-08T22:14:00.002+08:00

today had a nice talk with mr ku.
yup.cause he was asking if anybody is forcing me to learn piano.
i said no.
but what my heart was telling me.
is a yes.
its me.

so there we are talking,and it seems he knows a lot abut what im thinking.
and somethings i dont even know abut myself.
he made me discover them.

one of the main topic we talked abut...
is abut the talent thingy
cause i was telling him..
i dont have the talent
neither in piano,vball,studies.
and then he said a lot of things that made me discovered a lot of things.
and yup,i need to work hard to get what i want.i cnt be lazy
then he asked me a qn.
who told me abut the talent thing.
cause he says there is no such thing.
but i was saying there are pple hu are super clever,
there are pple hu have perfect pitch n so on.
yup.n he manage to find an explanation for that
at first i thought the whole talent logic thing is what i observed myself this few years
but now i think again.
it was partly due to my parents.

my parents always say,
kor is cleverer than me.

yup.
it really hurts u know.

but i began to accept it.

its time for me to change my mindset
or else.
i would nvr ever try my best ever again in life.

yes.now i know why.

2010-02-08T14:20:00.002+08:00

life sucks right now.
quarelled with mum,
kena bullied at work (at the same time im working alone now so i dont have anyone close i can rant to),
i hate piano.
or maybe,piano lessons.
the main thing is still the mum thing.
it is a sad thing actually,its in the genes.
im stubborn,my mum is stubborn,both of us insist in whatever we want
and at the end of the day,she will win,cause she is MUM.
but still,i will continue to rebel and all those sort of things cause i bu shuang.
yup.
sometimes i dont like that way i 'insist on doing what i want or feel like'
like now,im suppose to practice piano,juz because i dont feel like,later going to have a hard time at mr ku house and i might juz come out being emo again
ironically,even though im stubborn,i could nt persist.

i dont know what am i ranting anyways.
maybe complaining abut my life or even myself.

cried a lot past few days lahh.im in super bad mood.
hahas.but deardear v cute,ask me dont cry later my eyes like goldfish.
then i was wondering goldfish eyes got swollen de meh.
lols.then he say got one type.hahas.dont know lah
budden end up he ask me dont cry cause later my eyes as small as him (:
at least when im with my deardear i wont so emo.
oh well.
so nt looking forward to later piano lesson.
hate mondays.

2010-02-04T23:58:00.001+08:00

work today ):
working tml
working on sat
working on sun
and piano lessons on monday ): ): ):

kor bought me made in candy candies (:

2010-02-03T23:21:00.006+08:00

went deardear hse in morning and he cooked spaghetti for me (:

so nice right?haha.though i did nt finish it but i was nice lahh.okay lahh.admit it is nicer than what i cook okay?
by that time i alr saw the other 2 present my deardear want give me lohh.cause blur deardear ask me to go help him take sauce frm the fridge(:

after that rushed off to fetch my brother frm school to my grandparents house and off to play pool (:

after that walked to kfc and watch deardear eat.took bus back to deardear hse after that.slacked n cut cake (: wheee~ hahas.then deardear emo cause he say nt up to his expectation....hahas.but really appreciate lohhh.wei le my cake he still went on an "adventure" lah (:

and it isnt that bad okay?

took my chocolate,banana cake and went northpoint with deardear (:

sort of shop awhile for his cny clothings (:
he sent me home

took a lot of pictures of deardear on mrt.that shall be my si ren shou cang ping(: hehes

then we walked the route both of us walk on 140209.though it was nt the except path(:

talked abut how our relationship started (: that was when he gave me the last present (: it ended up more of funny instead of romantic like always(:

walked home.and we parted.

deardear,thanks for everything i have done for me (:

u r my best deardear always. (:

2010-02-03T23:09:00.005+08:00

special thanks to
deardear hu celeb my birthday with me,hu gave me a lot of present,hu make me so happy (:
deardear's mum for the cake(:
my faml for everything (:

xueting,huicheng,jiaqi,xingjie,cashmere,adeline,szeron,chonghui,renee,boyf,merlyn,deardear,
kangting,xueting,chiamin,weiting,germaine,zhensiang,yinkiat,thomas,sharlyn,susian
who wished me through sms (:
deardear,mum and younger bro hu sang me birthday song (:
kor,huicheng,wanting,alexis,linhao,marcus,hansen,ayu,germaine,laypeng,timjee,qiruo,
thomas,huilin,michelle,zhiqing,shuying,edwin,qianru,jeremy t,mrschan,yanying for wishing me on facebook(:

lols.a bit too kua zhang to write all this down but,juz wanna rmb and thank all those pple hu made my day (:

2010-02-03T22:59:00.002+08:00

31st-breakfast with deardear.worked (: germaine last day of work ): after work meet up shizheng for him to pass me his uni n me to pass him his pay slip (: hahas.his bro was there.meet wenxiu after that as she need to return me the books n xt was there (: hahas.
5 of us went for mac n pool after that.(: RANDOM
homed.

1st-HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO XING JIE(: 2 piano lessons n treat my grandparents subway cause they wanna try (:
piano lessons.
DEMORALISING

2nd-HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO CHONGHUI(: breakfast with deardear.met up with xueting and played wii at my house.hahas.
after that mrt to orchard and walked to somerset to see renee and his 2 other friends.hang out for awhile.spend money in cotton on and zara ): hahas
after that walked back to orchard,taka,wisma,ion (:
parted at 7 plus.
met up with parents n kor for dinner,a small celeb for parents wedding anni n my birthday( though it is juz dinner outside)

3rd-HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO ME (:

2010-02-01T13:11:00.003+08:00

i nvr knew that playing the piano can be such a torture.

2010-01-30T21:53:00.002+08:00

i really need someone to cheer me up now.

this few days i juz feel super unhappy.
in this house.

maybe its bcause of my younger brother
or maybe its because of all the money prob
or maybe its because of my mum.

everyone is juz too busy n stressed up with their own work.
which make themselves forget certain things
n even raise their voice when talking to their own faml members
which makes me super pissed off.

it is juz so different frm what it used to be.

i really dont know why am i acting this way.

2010-01-29T22:51:00.002+08:00

at the end of every single day
i juz feel that my life issnt fufiling enough.

room nt packed,
piano not practiced,
theory not done.

ive learnt nothing,
ive done nothing,
ive juz wasted a 24 hrs of my life.

hahas.yah,a bit exaggerating.
guess even if i end up in jc i wuld oso be complaining for some reason.

hahs.

piano theory juz a few months away and im still slacking.
always wanted to get back my touch n improve my piano skills,but im still nt practicing.its nt as if i dont have the chance now lah.
im juz too lazy.

out with deardear today (:
popeye-ed,played pool,funan,fetch my brother frm school,grandparents hse.
thats abut it.
hahas (: but enjoyed (:

quite happy i got pay liao,but on the other hand quite scared i wuld spend all away within a few weeks.

random.

2010-01-28T22:59:00.002+08:00

met deardear in the morning
n
out with adeline today (:
juz me n her,chatting and rotting our time away (: hahas.
catch up a lot with each other hope nxt week or so might be able to meet up with other pri school friends.hahas.a bit awkward though.

seriously i quite xian mu those pple going jc,starting their orientation today,choosing subj combi,CCAs
hahas.while me,juz rotting my life away,no new friends,no new school,nt starting my new phrase of life YET.
haixx.
life is getting boring.

oh well
on a happier note,ive sort of decided to get a pink vaio alr (: though dont know wuld my dad object cause he say the batt got prob bfore.
hahas (: but it is super chio okay?budden need to fork out a few hundred dollars myself ): hu knows end up i might think it is nt worth n juz go along with any laptops.
hahs.

out with deardear tml (:
finally (:

2010-01-27T23:27:00.002+08:00

recently ive been going every single day (: hahas
kind of getting lazier to blog alr,updating what is going on with my life.hahas (:
all i could rmb for the past few days,after the class outing ive been
1) working
2) piano lessons
3) meeting deardear

hahas.of course i rmb went out with germaine n chonghui one day
n going out quite often with the 6 sbs.though we dun use that term anymore alr(:
oh well.
today is actually the posting day(: lols.
my mum was super excited i guess.for some reason.finding my phone early in the morning,scare me sia.
but alr know where was i going mah
ngee ann poly (: child psychology and early edu
seriously like a lot of pple going jc,so frm tml onwards guess my life wuld be more sian.
then the feeling is so weird,almst everybody reporting to school,except for me.oh well.
going to miss every single one of them so much ):
so for the remainding few months,im juz going to rot with renee,xueting.
and deardear(after cny) (:

sometime i wuld start wondering if this course really suits me...

2010-01-21T22:27:00.004+08:00

went out with vballers the past 2 days (: one day to support the present bgirls match and went for dinner and another went to train (: hahas

catch up quite a lot with each other and laugh a lot luhh.

but kind of sad that everyone is parting soon,going to diff jc and poly.

really hope that we could keep in contact or our lives might cross into each other lives again in the future.

this is nt juz to vballers,but to all amksians (:

today went out with deardear (: watched 2movies (: hahas.should start to control myself frm spending too much money lahh,since ive lesser income now ):

twofive'07 class outing 170110

cool or what? (: zi char for dinner.

miss those days (:

2010-01-18T22:14:00.002+08:00

yesterday had twofive'07 class outing (: to sentosa (:
with sharlyn,weiting,wenxiu,germaine,yixuan,chiamin.
andy,derrick,zhensiang,faris,cashmere,john matt,kyaw,winston,szeron
chan chuen joined us only for dinner.
(think i didnt missed out anyone)

really really had fun(:
had dinner tgt at upp thomson.at zi char okay?
squeeze into one big big table and ordered crab,fish,prawn,veg ,tofu n mantou.
me n shar were smiling for the whole day (:
all of them didnt changed much,twofive pple are still as nice to be with,talk with and hang out with.
hahas.
we didnt used to enjoy each other prescence in class dont we?
even though in life,we always say that we must treasure what we have..
but i dont think that anyone culd really do that
did u ever heard anyone say that "im so blessed to have _____." every single day?hahas.
so..guess i shall juz aim to be a contented person bahs (:

today,i wasnt exactly still happy.
one reason probably was bcause im super tired.didnt have enough slp.
and im juz moody because.i dont know how to say too.
maybe because i feel that ive changed since after olevel results ( the laziness part n i dont like myself being like that )
or maybe because is jealousy.

dont know what is happening or has happen lahh.
maybe it is all more fault for being so moody lahh.but,i juz cnt control my mood.
ive better change myself bfore something serious happen lahh.
i feel terrible lahh
maybe because
i feel so out of place
like there is simply no meaning in life.
except to play
and rot.

seriously miss studying.though it was tough.

2010-01-14T00:02:00.002+08:00

as i have said earlier my results might be good cause i wont be so dong yao to go jc...
but on the other hand...
i often question myself these few days...
is child psychology what i really want.
do i really want to work with children throughout my life...
scared that i wuld regret later on in my life...

but i guess i wuld juz go for it..
cause there is no other course that interest me.
the most if something happen i be piano teacher lohh
then if something happens,i be housewife lahh (:

whatever will be will be.
dont worry too much.

2010-01-11T22:06:00.002+08:00

today is the day...
I DIDNT CRY (:
lols.so freaking proud of myself okay?
hahas.ive got 2 boyf there okay?so xin fu right?

lols.was a bit dissapointed cause i wasnt on the list of 6 dist n above.neither did i get 5.hahas.but i was juz a bit frm my target.
didnt get 9 for L1R4
but i was juz a bit frm my target.(:

hahas.
i told mrs chan nt to tear the slip for me lohhl.so i tear myself.n mrs chan was saying i got b3 for my higher music.
then i ask her abut my english..b3 okay? (:
hahas (: by the time i saw my l1r4 n 5 alr.
nt v happy.neither was i v dissapointed.
i tot i wuld be super dissapointed lahh.
but i wasnt (:

on the other hand i think i was quite happy cause i can get into the course i want?
everybody did super well i guess.my results was juz average.

oh well.happy for everyone i guess.cause i dont really xian mu them anyways.cause they can get to the jc they want n i can get to the poly i want(:
and and and.i guess i dont need to think so much abut jc or poly cause i cnt get into a good jc anyways.
neither i can get into a super good course...so its okay (:
hahas.maybe im juz an wei-ing myself...

congrats to my deardear hu got 7 dist.
congrats to me for being able to accept my result so well (: hehes.

hope ntng goes wrong with school posting.

2010-01-10T13:03:00.003+08:00

thur-went see sp n np open hse with deardear.of course saw a lot of pple there,jiaqi they all,rachel and germaine.hehes (:
sort of decided what course i want le..it is more of early childhood edu compared to child psychology....
budden hu knows,i might juz end up in biomedical or maybe even jc.

fri-went out with vballers (: xt,kt,wy,renee (:
went sentosa.played vball,slacked all that (:
catch up a lot with each other (:
sunburnt (:
went vivo for lunch after that n i left earlier for work.

yesterday work whole day at donguri.time seem to passing faster n faster luhh.
nxt week onwards we wuld be working lesser n lessser luhh.(because there r too much pple now alr)12 hrs plus only lehh.
have to admit it.im going to miss donguri.
have thoughts of finding a second job budden i guess i wuld be super damn sian lahh.cause i guess i cant find a better pt job.
okay.so maybe i shall juz rot n die.
hu knows i might juz choose to go jc.( which i dont really want it to happen )

haixx.faml matter.
dont even really know what is happening.budden,no matter hu fault isst.i feel that my ah ma would be the most sad de lohh.
budden there is ntng we children can do something abut it.

results tml.dont plan to sleep.dont wannt thnk abut it too.

2010-01-06T19:01:00.002+08:00

realease of olevel results on 11th...
2pm.
lols.after me n germaine got the news both of us chi bu xia our laksa le lohh.damn worried sia..hehes.
so funny.got the news frm mum n dad.think they both more jing zhang than me xia..
mrs chan msged me too (: hehes.
bought wallet juz now (: cnt resist temptation luhh (: hehes.

): seriously hope i can get the result i want.

tired ):
no work tml (: wheeeeeeeee~
going to poly open hse with my deardear (:

2010-01-06T00:26:00.002+08:00

seriously hope that we could know the date of olevel results soon.my nxt week shedule is a mess now.
twofive07 outing,2hr piano lesson,mr ku piano lesson,work,open hse for nafa and so on.

finished work at 1030pm,1030am im starting work again.
last year,i left school at 7plus and need to be back in school 12 hrs later.
i complained a lot.
but now.
i seriously miss school-ing. ):
serious.
(now the studying part of course)
n not the trying to keep myself awake in class too.
is the feeling that u HAVE something to do.
hahas.dont really know how to explain..

out with deardear today (: hahas.both of us r used to oversleeping.LOL.always cnt meet up on time as plan.
ate ri ben chun,ramen again (:
n watch sherlock holmes
deardear bought for me strawberry n pineapple round round piyo piyo (: like it a lot luhh.deardear so nice (: budden no morr watermelon de.

went ps to buy cake (: hehes.then went to work le.deardear pei me there.ran all the way there after alighting the bus lohh.n punch card on the dot (: hehes.

looking forwrd to fri outing (: it has been a long time since i saw them (:

2010-01-01T21:09:00.002+08:00

today marks the start of 2010 (:
marina barrage with deardear (:
deardear prepared all the food,so nice right? (:
kite flying,
flew our penguin high up,until no more string le lohh (: and our kite was one of the highest okay? (:
wrote our new years resolution colourfullly on a piece of paper n penguin brought it high up in the sky for shang tian to see (:
picture in my hp ): cnt download it here ):

enjoyed my day (:
love my deardear a lot <3

work tml ):

2010-01-01T00:25:00.003+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYBODY (:
2010.hahas
countdown with wenxiu thru phone n chonghui thru msn.LOL (:
abit funny.hahas.

last year was...
nt that meaningful i guess,ntng much happened of course.except that i got a nice deardear now (:
hehes.
n think the most important part is still the olevels.
which now..hahas

new year resolution/wishes
1) be happy and contented n nt regret whatever decision i make
2) olevels,get 5 distinction n above
3) keep in contact with friends
4) do more meaningful things (dowan it be like this yr,when i look back,there is ntng i can think of )

err.think it is getting crappier (: oh well.

2009-12-31T22:02:00.002+08:00

2009 is coming to an end soon (:
hahas.dont know wuld get the chance to do a sum up or resolutions (which i dont really have) for the up coming new year...
hehes

kena scolded.mum thinks im going out too often n my room is too messy(which i admit)
hahs.
super sians.
oh well.guess everyone is out count downing which i really dont have the mood to..cause there is nt much diff anyways.
juz hope for a enjoyable n meaningful new year ahead(:

2009-12-29T01:15:00.001+08:00

christmas is over alr (:
spent my christmas playing mahjong with rachel,szeron n deardear
n working (: hahas.

working these few days and im enjoying my work more n more
firstly,because i get to work with either rachel,shizheng ,germaine,or other pple in the restruant( since now all of us know each other alr)
second
im learning alot of new stuff everyday
taking orders,
closing bill,
taking calls.

tired of course,
budden nxt week is going to be more hectic.me n germaine ki siao (: hahas.
cause i dowan keep thinking abut results bahhs.
and i wuld get emo if im too free.
so work bahs.

2009-12-23T23:46:00.003+08:00

pictures frm today (: posting only a few though.

2009-12-23T00:52:00.002+08:00

so happy (:
today time flies lahh (:
got a new guy at work,he is damn funny(everyone says so).
he brighten everyone mood yea?including customers.say if he tml nvr work they dowan come tml le (: hahas.

tired.
budden happy (:
cause tml me and deardear are going out (: whole day (:

glad that germaine n shizheng got the job too.at least we wun be so lonely(:

2009-12-20T21:44:00.003+08:00

work yesterday.
work today.
work tml.
work tml tml.

but at least today i went out with faml,n somehow,i was happy (:
trying v hard nt to think abut unhappy stuff.
germaine wuld be joining me at donguri soon (: it does make me feel a little better.hahas
dont know y this 2 days ive been so freaking emo.
auntie say somethings only i feel like crying le.somemore i dont know y i keep rolling my eyes.budden its nt completly my mood swing prob,rachel felt it too.today.is like what the f.ive got my own things to do.dont tell me what to do okay?
then when something happens...
"wo jiao xiao mei(either refering to me or rachel) qu zuo le,then ta mei you qu"
then please,there or so many other pple asking me to do this n that okay?
n ive got my own responsibiltiy oso.
there r so many other things
okay,im juz complaining.
i dont really hate them or what.
hahas.
but luckily most of them r realy really nice pple lahh.(: and they r really nice pple to talk to?

working on christmas day (: DOUBLE PAY DAY $11.20 /hr okay? didnt want to,but was forced to.but nvm,4hrs only.

rachel nt working tml ): cnt complain to her.
hope germaine comes tml.

im starting to think that im nt mature enough for relationships.

and i seriously feel that i still act like a kid luhh.yesterday mum bought back lots of cute cute things frm taiwan i was like screaming n snatching with my younger bro luhh.for abut 30 mins man.past midnight.super high.hahas.
and today saw cute piyo piyo at the cathay.got the urge to buy it luhh ):
but one cost $9 plus.got watermelon,pineapple and strawberry de.
budden waste money,oso dont know where to put.but i want it luhh.
my mum say i work one day jiu earn back the money le...maybe im buying it?after my pay day i guess..

tired.

2009-12-18T18:31:00.000+08:00

2 days seem to pass so fast,yup,and im working tml again ):
nt that i dont like the job lahh,im juz plain lazy.
dont know y time pass so fast when im at home now a days (:

watched slumdog millionare past midnight yesterday,seriously a vv nice movie.
and juz finished watching super size me.cannot believe it luhh.mac for 30 days.ONLY mac.
and i cnt believe how big is the super size drink.

okay.feeling guily.
i shuld be practicing my piano.
i shuld be.
i only pracitce piano once after my o.
what am i doing?
guess i dont have the motivation to know that music exams are over.

and i shuld be packing my room n doing housework today but i slack the whole day.oh well.

random post.

2009-12-16T01:15:00.002+08:00

someone told me that..
there are both
positive and
negative sides
to everything.
its juz like a coin
you have to flip it
for you to change your perception.

how come i find it so difficult?

i want to find a meaning in life.
i dont want my life to revolve around juz those 2 things....

2009-12-15T16:18:00.000+08:00

im suppose to be on airplane now,or even reach taiwan now.
but due to immigration problems,me n my kor are left all alone in spore n mum,dad n bro r at taiwan.
yup,a little dissapointed,cause everything was ready for us.
budden im feeling more empty now,dont know what to do with these 5 days mum is nt at home,by right i shuld be going havoc going back home late late every single day...
but seriously,nobody is avaliable,i guess.
everybody
is
obssessed
over
working.

oh well.so maybe i shuld go back to work oso?still considering.
OFF.
feel so shit right now.

2009-12-07T23:47:00.003+08:00

work interview with deardear,weikang and jiaqi and yinkiat's dad place.
dont think i can get the job cause i wasnt really concentrating so did badly.hahas.n i cannot do oso (:
dont think i can commit to 30 hr per week oso (: hmmm.see how it goes bahs (:

new moon after that at hub (:
and after that talk to jiaqi and bus stop..
talk abut a lot of things (: miss those days.
hahas.
and what she say is true,no point worrying..cause if it really happens,i guess u wont mind anymore (:
hahas.
tired.tml finally can sleep till late late ! (:
guess mum is fine with me reaching home late alr.hahas.

2009-12-07T01:15:00.002+08:00

today whole day at work (: hahas.
im slowly getting use to tiredness alr (: hahas.cause i dun feel super tired after one whole day of work.n today is sunday (: one of the busier days at donguri (: yup,pple there r nice (:
and szeron has joined us alr.though i havent seen him there (: hahas.

came back from class chalet a few days ago (:
kept playing cards,gambling,played pool,bbq,wild wild wet,slacked..
hahas guess it wasnt that exciting.but enjoyed though (: haha
really v pei fu the amazing race organisers,even though it was super damn tiring cause we have to run frm almost one end of pasir ris park to the other end budden it was super fun okay? (: hahas.
really enjoyed it.my groups mem were shu e,fel n andy (:
we got 3rd,but no prize,but we really enjoyed it (:

the last day me,pam,yinkiat,jlee and norman went to playground lahh (: cause no space in the room le..
juz sat down on top of the 'spider web' and chat and chat for a few hrs.random combi i know.but some how kind of enjoyed it (:
mahjong after chalet n homed.didnt expect i can tahan so long luhh.but slept 16 hrs straight after that (:

shedule this week not as pack but still got quite a no of activities on (:
and nxt week im flying off to taiwan le (: wheeee (:
and then it wuld be chirstmas again! then v soon we wuld be taking results le..scared scared.okay,dont think abut it le.
shall stop blogging(: its getting late.nights (:

2009-11-29T23:45:00.002+08:00

second day of work.nt as tiring as first day (:
tml full day ): cnt really go out with deardear so much this few days
job is tiring,but hate the nagging part more ):
okay.shall blog another time

2009-11-27T23:39:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHARLYN (:

okay...i really have to admit.im sick of going out ):
how i wish i could stay at home and rot a bit now.
its always like tat.im always complaining.hahas.

got a job alr...budden havent start work jiu dont feel like going le ):
cause im scared okay?cause heard a lot of pple cried cause was quite strict...
rachel seems so strong.
though she say she wuld protect me..budden,hahas.she cnt really protect me anyways (:

recent events ...err.cnt really rmb (:
prom i guess (: it was great.photos on face book (:
really enjoyed it lahh.it was fun.a bit lazy to elaborate (:
think everyone was v different on that day.
my hairstyle was a bit auntie and make up i think a bit too thick?(: hahas
but okay lahh.once in a lifetime thing so it doesnt really matter if i dont like (:
prefer my normal self.

today met xt,shar,jq and shu e at hub (: went for movie,mulan.
lols.we were laughing at most of the parts lahh.and making fun of it.cause a bit exaggerating at some parts (: some parts we made our own jokes...okay lahh,think red cliff all these better (: but mulan is still acceptable lahh (:

made our way to easdt coast after that.rented 2 blades n 3 bikes.took turns (:
was drizziling most of the time..
tired ):
hahs.
long day tml again,open hse plus work ):

2009-11-18T23:27:00.002+08:00

lols.another day (:
guess i kind of enjoy today,staying at home...
though im forced to wake up early (bcause of my bro )
lols.day passed quickly though...
think nothing to do then keep thinking lohh.then will worry abut this and that ): im so broke now ):
im broke ):

bro going camp tml.how i wish i oso got camp...getting sick of going shopping cause im broke.
im broke.

2009-11-17T22:43:00.002+08:00

err.lols.i guess studying is better (:
feel so empty lahh.shopping for 2 days only then sian le ): cause maybe no $$
haixx.how many days only?isst this what we have been looking foward to since year ago?
guess it isst that fun.
want to find job..i dun really wanna find full time job cause a bit no life oso.so dont know how ):
hahas.
sat-deardear came my hse to build the hse thing,budden nt complete ): played wii oso.
sun-watched finish liar game.out with faml.
mon-out with deardear
tue-shopping with germaine ( tired!!)

tml going to rot at home.kind of sick of going out le cause no money ):

2009-11-14T00:08:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 9 MONTHS TO ME AND DEARDEAR (:
time flies.

and i shall rmb tat 13th nov,friday is the day tat i finish my Os (:
lols.guess everyone is feeling the same right now...
completely aimless.dont know what to do (: hahs.ITS BETTER THAN STUDYING !~

2009-11-13T00:17:00.003+08:00

olevels ending in 9 hours time (: wooots (:
though more than half of the sec fours have ended their o le..budden its okayy.at least this time,music is not the last paper (: if nt think i will go crazy (: hahas.
lols.think everybody slacken after last week le lohh.
but think today i quite hard working,got studying for like 3 hrs okay? (:
probably everyone else is doing the same cause bio was difficult.and if u didnt realise it,it is one of the only olevel papers tat got pple say it is diff lohh (: hahas

there is so much things to look forward to after Os (:
tll bbq,prom night,45 class chalet,taiwan trip .
so much things to do,
shopping,outing ,working (:

got one whole list of things ready for me to do (:

juz 9 hours more (:

2009-11-06T22:30:00.002+08:00

olevels is finally coming to an end.one week more (:
and all is mcq papers.hahas (:
so happy (: but on the other hand,feel v uneasy abut the results...
scared cant i get the results i want...but still.there is ntng i can do abut it alr (:
shall go chiong video alr (:

2009-11-03T11:14:00.003+08:00

juz a few hours later i wuld be taking music o.
listening to haydn sym 104 now.hahas
seriously kind of scary..F9 for prelims lehh.still hope to get a A2 or a B3 bahhs.
jiayous (:

2009-10-30T18:46:00.002+08:00

first week of the big Os..
english and mathematics ( yaye!can throw away all the maths papers alr (: )
overall i think i was quite contented with my performance ( except today ) even though i left blanks,careless and all those.
hahas.
nxt week is siao lohh.
monday got chem n ss
tues music
wed physics n geog
fri bio
hate the shedule...but at least music is not the last paper lah (:

this few days shi mian oso.seem to have forgotten how to sleep.
have to lie on bed for 2 and a half hrs bfore i fall asleep....
even though im tired,i cant sleep.
but nvm,look on a brighter side,i only get to experiece this once in a lifetime?hahas

yupyup.
all the best to all sec4 (:
we can do it (:

quote of the week: if u believe u can get a1,u can (:
my quote okay?
hopefully a D7 to A1! (:

2009-10-16T22:07:00.004+08:00

farewell assembly yesterday.
there were a few instances that i wanted to cried,when i talked to ms tan outside classroom,watching the clip mrs chan made for us and when i sang the school song for the last time..
took hundred over photos but cnt find the adapter to upload the photos...so nvm (: hahas
one week study break..hope i dont waste too much time....
juz realised i have not watch finish nodame catabile...got special part which i tot is like ng scence and stuff.but it is actually episodes lai de...hahas (:
jiayous everybody (:

2009-10-10T21:31:00.003+08:00

music pract over long ago (:
think screwed up a little...but its over.and i shuld be concentrating on olevels now.
checked hrc...seriously,ranking and L1R5 sucks.
demoralised but got to work hard still.haixx
2 more days of school and farewell assembly and yup.tat mark ALMOST the end of my sec school life..or shuld i say hectic school life...cause life in poly is going to be much easier i guess...
JIAYOUS.

2009-09-30T22:42:00.003+08:00

tml is children's day...
okay the main thing is nt abut children's day..
but it is abut..
OLEVEL
music.
practical = stretto ):

okay.i admit it.im damn demoralised now at i was at my max stress level 30 mins ago.
lols.find it funny.i dont even stress myself so much for studies.
imagine starting everything at adagio at the day bfore the exams...
half the usual speed..
imagine getting basic things wrong the day bfore exams.
and despite that...
worrying tat u wuld not even reach the time limit tat wuld reach the deduction of more marks.
im seriously stress n tired now..

first time felt myself going crazy while playing piano lahh.especially juz now during practice with rachel,shizheng and szeron.those claps...
i know im stressing on my hand too much..
but no choice.im playing the melody..and melody has to stands out.
im weak in my 4th and 5th fingers...but i have to use them...to even play loud notes.
tat is why my wrist hurt for the past few days after practicing.

shizheng,yanying,wenxiu,szeron,rachel and junwei came my hse juz now (:
did a bit of exchange and stuff.lols.kind of fun..budden at the same time..stress.
dont have the strength to elaborate...yahh...

juz got a lot of things to say...
firstly,jiayous to all(rachel,nicolette,zack,hidir,zhe an,yanying,yunxin,weijie,shizheng,szeron,dorothy,timjee and fion)(hope i nvr miss out anybody )
secondly,have to thank ms chen,for trying her v best giving all of us advices and always bring me back to reality.and being such a nice music teacher.
thirdly,mr ku..
trying his v best to help me.really appreciate it.he might be even putting more effort to teach me than i practice
and rachel and shizheng,trying all means to help me and szeron improve despite u guys r having exams tml too.
wenxiu and deardear,giving me support (:
faml members and neighbours...
hope they arent sleep deprived...really appreciate their tolerance.lols
and lastly....
my duet partner...
thanks for everything.really.

ermm..this whole post is kind of....
cause im really tired...cant choose the right words to express my thoughts....

hope everything would be fine.
i wanna enjoy the music i play...
and i wanna make a difference.

2009-09-26T23:37:00.002+08:00

its been a long time since i had post.
after prelims was kind of taking a rest..
slacking and all tat,didnt really have much to post.
then juz on tues.suddenly got the urgency tat something need to be done for my olevel music performance which would be taking place nxt thur at chs.
so..started my own solo practicing and of course duet.
laptop spoil ): internet down a few laptop so didnt use com use recently than i used to.

so random.budden the feeling juz came so suddenly.
partly due to the jdrama i watched,nodame cantabile?a little motivation for me.
chionging this few days tat i xi guan kind of sleep late alr?nt super late lahh.but still late.

and now...
im trying to make a difference.
cause i can see the diff in my playing alr..
hopefully it is diff in a way tat my playing has changed for a better?seriously dont know.hahs
but really have to thank mr ku...for making the difference in juz 2 weeks.even though i might not have improved a lot..but he has is always trying his best to teach me (:
really appreciate it.hahas.

for prelims result.
as expected i flunk my music and amaths (: hahas.
see.i know de.
music F9 again..
but only 2 person passed anyway.
budden can see both mr chio and ms chen v dissapointed.
ms chen sort of talk to us one by one..
and she is really v dissapointed as all of us did not work v hard for this prelims...
oh well.
and she said im a high potential student because im in 45?
her evidence is not v strong though.
45 doesnt mean got high potential mahhs.lols.
other subjs ye mei you hao dao na li qu,disspointments,fustrations,stress...
but it doesnt matter to anyone else anyway...
i dont like studying.
but deep down in our heart i know i need to...
so ive juz decided tat i shall try to love studying?though it is quite late alr...
haixxx.

whatever it is...dont regret.

today went swensen ice cream buffet.
with germaine,yanling,chonghui,faris,andy and shizheng.
due to the 1-to-1 thing.we only need to pay $15 for our buffet.and we ordered 3 soup of the day somemore.quite worth it though we sort of complained tat we shuld go seoul garden.
did sand painting in swensen (: like small kids sia.
then left ion and went amk lib after tat (:
cant seem to get my pictures out frm my hp,shall post them another time(:

random post but update almst everything tat happened this few days (:
thats all.

2009-09-16T21:18:00.002+08:00

i seem to be acting like prelim r over?
but it is not.
still got 2 music papers tml.
went out to "study" with germaine today.did study a little.but it is not productive at all when i started talking with jiaqi,shar,xt and shu e.lols.met them by accident.
lols.but i guess i didnt realy mind.i have no mood to study anyways
talked to germaine quite a bit (: hahs.

so tired.
sort of gave up on music.dont know why.though i chionged finish world music yesterday.
but music is a subj tat no matter how much i study,there might still be a huge possiblity i will fail..
and for prelims...this is the only subj tat i nvr yong xin study.hahas.

and i guess i wuld still be failing at least 2 subj..
amaths and music.

2 more weeks.
15 more days.
to childrens' day.
im...

scared,

2009-09-10T23:35:00.000+08:00

i was curious.abut that instrument which impressed me.
the black and white keys seem so beautiful.
the melody seemed so simple and sweet.
my first lesson.
i was taught to one finger on my right hand to play the middle C.
i was taught what is a clef,time signature,bar line.
soon.i was taught the note D,then E,F,G,A,B and so on.
i was taught later using my left hand.
i learnt abut key signatures.
i took abrsm examintations.
i was taught many many more things.

and after years
music seem so beautiful to me.

it was until this year...
everything has changed.
listening to the harmony,the notes,the chords.
understanding them,identifying them.
form,texture,historical background.
getting grades and loads of comment abut my bad playing of the piano.
getting remarks abut something i like doing.
it no longer seem simple.
it has become complicated.

now.i dont see the point practicing.
the black and white keys seem so scary.
the sound that i hear when i press the key seem so different frm what i once heard.

i dont know y.i hate this feeling.im like force to hate something i like.and im going crazy.
everytime i press the key.i feel like crying or banging it.

i really.dont know.what i shuld do.
and can please somebody understand
how i feel
and tell me what to do.

im going for my "first" piano lessons on sat.
the instrument make me feel so stress.
the black and white keys seem so scary
and the sound i hear when i press the key...
seem so diff frm what i once heard.

2009-09-09T22:42:00.002+08:00

090909.
such i nice date.forgot all abut it until i received wenxiu's msg.
juz watched the news,so many babies born on this date lahh.one at 9.09 am somemore.
a lot of couples getting married on this day too.
but somehow as i watch the news it seems less significant.too many pple le...

140209 still the best(:

last chance perormance today.
okay.i think im like super weak?cause i cried right after it.
dont know what to say.seriously also dont know what im thinking.
the last thing ms chen want me to feel is to feel discouraged..
but yes.im discouraged.
and im also demoralised.
okay.one thing for sure is tat i shuld be glad tat she is frank lahh.
i mean she is trying her best to help everyone of us improve..

maybe the prob lies with me.
i cant even bring myself to touch the piano now.once i start playing,i wuld start banging.
hopefully it gets better by tml.
juz 3 weeks left.
what i hate most is that music is something i like...
y muz grades and the reality bring this passion down like this?
practice doesnt make perfect
PERFECT practice make perfect.

it is never enough.

and even though im a grade 6 pianist.i dont even feel i one.seriously.
it is happening too fast,jumping grades,passing examinations,that i dont even think i got my basics right.
my standard is definitly lower than what i shuld be.
and now,i have to keep going upwards...keep going even though my foundation is weak.
3 more weeks to make a difference.
and why?
music is juz one of my nine subj...y shuld i be bothering so much?
but i simply culd nt let it go.

for now i rather if i dont know.
my imperfection.

2009-09-08T22:08:00.000+08:00

practical exam today.
okay...my standard is quite jialat alr and yet i got a women examiner):
but compared to previous abrsm exams,i didnt screwed up that much.
juz pray hard tat i wuld pass.
i want to pass.
thanks deardear for pei-ing me go my exams and waiting for people (:

tired.
and im stil not studying.
not feeling v guilty...a bit guilty...
budden i dont think i shuld be doing this...

tired.practice duet juz now and im like not concentrating lahh.
last chance performance tml..
and i still got so much things to brush up by tml morning );

2009-09-06T22:30:00.006+08:00

yesterday there was this decorate ur own cupcake thing at amkhub.me and deardear went to play (: obviously the nicer one is mine (: end up threw most of it away cause it wasnt nice.

something me and rachel made (: after our concert yesterday.

tat day when we went back bhps and bowling.

make an impression.....

card alexis made for mrschan from 45 ...

the photos we took to make teachers' day card.happy belated teachers' day to all teachers (:

2009-09-06T22:18:00.002+08:00

i juz cnt get myself to start studying unless it was the day or 2 days bfore the exam.
it wasnt like this bfore.
okay.maybe i was.
i wasnt sure myself.
was feeling really sick juz now.dont know what has happened to me..
i dont know what i really want.
....
sometimes i wish my world revolves on its own.
sometimes lahh.

2009-09-06T13:53:00.000+08:00

wanted to post pictures...but cant seem to post.
last school holidays and we r stuck in the middle of prelims.
and i keep reminding myself to pratice piano but i cant somehow.
hate scales.
exams on tues,juz a few days away and im still not practicing my scales.
ms wong kept pulling me back for extra piano lessons.

cant seem to get myself on full chiong mood..cause when i dont use com, i watch tv...when i dont watch tv,i go out.
haixx.

guess im going to fail my amaths again.
blahblahs.so random.i wanna post pictures!

2009-08-31T22:44:00.000+08:00

teachers' day celebrations today (:
lols.happy teachers' day to all (:
went school early to write cards?
hahas.
celebrations was...lols.usual?
laugh a lot lahh,seriously feel v bad xD
after tat went to paticipate in the what warriors thing?
rushed home bathe and went to meet jodi and susian(:
went back and we werent allowed to go in?it wasnt like tat the past 2 years?
when we r allowed to go in we went canteen straight?cause most teachers went out for lunch.
eat (:
super miss the food there.
cheap and good.
went walk around the school?explore things?hahas (:
talk to teachers awhile only?cause didnt went to go into staff rm cause they say teachers were out?but think they were lying.they wanted to chase us out also lah (: hahas.
anyways we manage to see mrs nair and mrs rashid (: didnt see ms lam though,dont know if she is still there.
and we were like the oldest there?
steffie,angeline,susian,jodi,hongyue,yeow tong,zhiying,rong hwee,mark,lionel...
yup.
went jodi hse to take socks...
played with her dog awhile.she is super cute and nice lahh.well trained also.
then when i want touch her she will lie down for me to touch?
lols.she know how to hug me also...budden...lols.a bit paiseh to say it out here.
some of us went bowling at spans jon after that,whampoa there...
and u wuld nvr guess hu i saw there...
at first i heard someone calling his name,but i didnt actually tot it was him lahh.until i think he saw me first?i was damn shocked lahh.serious...at tat kind of ulu place...then u meet somebody u know.hahas..
saw shizheng (:

hahas.bowled.did a lot of silly things.dared zhiying to do what i did with a pink bowling ball and he did it.think no guys wuld dare to do it?
anyways had fun (:
think the guys matured a lot lahh (:

went to hougang with susian after tat.
went for piano lessons.(:

guess it wuld be better with adeline around.
kind of miss her.

2009-08-30T21:17:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY WEITING (:

half way through prelims...
err.not really half though(: hahas.
it doesnt make much diff actually?juz make me feel a bit guilty when i wasted my whole weekends?
tomorrow is teachers' day celebration!
going back BHPS.
like duhh.miss the place,the food,the people(:
and i guess...
this would be my last time stepping into tat place...last and final time.
im excited (:
wanna go back.cant wait to see them tml (:

2009-08-27T22:14:00.000+08:00

was walking to class today,saw mr chio while climbing the staircase.
he wished me good luck for emaths paper and ask me to get A1.
i say i will try.and i really will cause im aiming for a A2 now.
and when he left,mr chio turned back and assured me that i can do it.
that,motivate me quite a lot.

especially after yesterday.so demoralising.

after emaths paper,
everybody was asking how each other did,comparing and discussing.
the qn that this person asked me was "did u sleep?"
that,left me in disspointment.

i worked hard.
i really did.

2009-08-26T19:17:00.000+08:00

it was 21 days a few days ago.
and now...13 days ):
start chionging piano.
i have to ):

so stressed up lahh.
and i want to have a proper nap ):
PRELIMS.
hahs.

2009-08-19T21:43:00.002+08:00

chinese olevel msg 1.8 (:
so unexpected?
i
got an A2.

it is good lahh (: maybe because many pple get A1 make me feel a bit depressed?and not contented.
but A2 lehh.a distinction.
my first distinction.
got distinction for oral too (:

was deciding to retake or not the whole day.
cause is like...im relying on chinese for my L1 R4 and then 1 point really does matter right?
and almst everybody ask my the retake lahh.
budden end up decided not to
because
1) no mood to take chinese alr
2) mum,dad and grandma tell me not to.
3) a2 might not be the best i can but at leat it is my own hardwork.
and a2 is alr b good lahh.dont compare with others (:

yup.
adeline helped me a lot.she reminded me that hu am i...
thanks a lot.
mum was nice too (:
tell me that it is alr v good lahh (: say retake for what?might as well spend more time and effort n other subj.
and then she got a shock again?for me calling her and crying tat ive got a distinction.
sound so...hahas.but yup.cant seem to control myself not to cry.
and last but no least got to thank ms tan lahh.for teaching me for the last 3 and a half years..even though i nvr got a1,i got a distinction (:

and NGLITING,when u look back nxt time.dont regret the decision that you've made
because u wont.
be contented.

2009-08-18T17:51:00.003+08:00

a bit demoralised today.
damn weak in my compo major and it is like a few months to exam.
cant believe tat juz filling 6 bars for Olevels and filling in damn chords can be so diff for me.
it is not diff lahh.more of easy for me to flunk paper
):

oh well.
did a bit of talking with amira today.
missed those times.
lols.shouting vulgarities across the class and so on.
imagine me doing it in 45 now.hahas.
though last time we could be a bitchy but it was kind of fun though.

im used to slacking.
im used to hack caring.
im used to not using my brain.

and i think...im not THAT clever in the first place.

everybody thinks tat im fine with my studies because of him...
budden..
no matter what...i dont think i am suppose to rely on him for studies.
juz dont know how to say.
dont know y everybody is expecting so much from me.
both of them r 2 diff matters...

tml is the 19th.
getting olevel chinese results.
please,let me get an A1 (:
maybe im too over confident?hahas.
hope everybody can score well
GOOD LUCK (: to those hu r taking results tml.

2009-08-17T21:30:00.000+08:00

need to start chionging piano le?
22 days to Grade 6 pract.juz got the date today,
0809.
holidays.juz nice.
and the last chance performance wuld also be somewhere around there.so muz chiong ):
so lazy to start chionging piano?
and futhermore my studies like shit and i shuld be worrying abut prelims more but nope.im worried abut music.

haixx.

2009-08-15T22:15:00.000+08:00

stressed ):
the more im trying to revise/do homework,the more i feel tat im stupid.dont know y.
im like far behind frm everybody and i cant seem to catch up.
other than that i have a bad attitude towards studies and i have no motivation.

i dont know y i keep thinking if i shuld go jc or not.
ehh.i dont really want to of course...
but i seiously dont know what course i wanna take.
and i think it is not possible for me to get L1 R4 of 9 to get into pyschology...
and then again,im not sure if that is what i really want.

im so afraid of making decision.

i need to work a lot harder ): but i cant seem to go on.

2009-08-15T01:49:00.003+08:00

today,or shuld i say yesterday was a relatively fun day.
though all of us dread music lessons,but many a times we do not realise we enjoyed the times we spent together.
lols.having our last recital,or shuld i say is a recital without audience,juz one to one with ms chen..
it is called "The Last Chance"
lols.one and a half weeks to our olevel performance.and this is our last chance to get feedbacks.
cute right?like the "recital" name.
hahs.got 30/100 for last year olevel paper...
OLEVEL.
hahs.
i admit i didnt study and i didnt put in effort in doing qn 1-3.how abut qn 4 and 5?
and even if i did put in effort and i did study,i might not even pass.
and it is olevel.
i seriously dowan a F9,E8 or even D7 on my olevel cert.
but i really do love music...it is juz tat the reality makes things complicated.

met deardear after music lessons (:
didnt manage to 'celebrate' our anni for months alr.
met shi zheng,sze ron and rachel for concert at a place near city hall?ehh i forgot what is the place name though.
we talked a lot.almost everything and anything under the sun.and i guess the 4 of us really enjoyed the talk(: sometimes was a bit saddening though.
i dont know y ive got sudden thoughts of going jc instead of poly.
it is juz so sudden?
im afraid to made any decision lah.
anyways.we really talked a lot a lot...a lot a lot a lot a lot.
reached home at 12 plus a bit...
and to my surprise,my mum,dad and younger bro not at home.i tot something has happened or what lahh.
i nvr expect they went to watch movie....hahas.

yup.i really do love music.
but guess taking this subj really makes me lose some passion for music...it is the same for everyone i guess...we juz get so...drained out?
but i think i shuld stop wondering if i regreted or not...
i guess ive nvr regret..
cause seriously,even though i get stressed up after each lesson,
i enjoy being in that class.
what an irony though.
that class,the few of us...
most of us might flunk our o music cause we r not up to standard...
but at least we know,we r all in this tgt,
nobody is arrogant,we r all learning from each other
the common interest we have.
the common thoughts.
the common passion.
it gives me a totally diff feeling from 45.
im not saying my class is not good,
i guess im juz not fitted to be in this class.
maybe it is too early to say yet...
but i seriously havent found a purpose.
well,enough of talking here,talked a lot abut this juz now le.
at least there is somewhere where i really belong.

anyways,HAPPY (BELATED) 6TH MONTH TO ME AND DEARDEAR <3

2009-08-13T20:27:00.000+08:00

im feeling so happy now (:
yup.cause i juz spent abut 5 mins doing my edition of performance notes..and i guess,this wuld be my final one(:
it is considered perfect to me.
finished 4 hour coursework too (: finally,everybody is so relieved..
ive complete it on time added everything i wanted to and i can.
even though the piece may sound normal of bad to other pple,
it is nice to me.
it is perfect.
now ive juz need to spend a hour or so nxt week or so to edit the midi file.

and and.today our lessons ended quite early.
really quite happy today. and hope can continue to be in such a good mood.
hope i dun get stressed up again when i step into class tml!
concert with rachel tml.
hopefully shizheng and szeron will join us too(:

and and.6th month tml(:

2009-08-11T22:10:00.000+08:00

back in school.
few more weeks to prelims and im still wondering when im going to start my full force chionging.think 2 weeks bfore olevels then i will start bahhs.cnt start to chiong.but good sign,im having a little sign of urgency.

got back report bk today.got my first F9.think shuld be u grade le loh.26/100.err,im not the only one though.so seriously no much feeling?cause i dont even know where i went wrong?we havent even got back our test paper back.
but u see...it doesnt mean that how much effort u put in it u wuld get the results.
so im trying really v hard to focus on other subj.
at first found it really v okay and fine after taking back report book,but after hearing pple saying how many As they got i feel v bad?pple saying they got 5 As but not good enough cause they failed this subj...
and it is so easy for them to say what they got..
'everything a except for this subj'
ehh.it make me start to wonder that if i shuld be contented with my 'this' kind of result.
and i need to persuade myself that this results r good enough for me.

okay.thats abut it.

to express chinese students...
GOOD LUCK FOR GETTING BACK OLEVEL CHINESE RESULTS(:
hopefully everybody wuld score well.

2009-08-10T11:53:00.002+08:00

so fast 3 and a half days gone le (:
friday went watch UP with deardear.
i waited for this movie for very long le?finally came out.
it didnt disappoint me though.
yesterday went change plan,finally got unlimited sms le (: no need to keep worry abut the bills le (:
went see fireworks with deardear at marina barrage.it wasnt very nice cause it was blocked by IR.enjoyed it though.
got to do work alr ):
how i wish i got more time.

2009-08-07T00:06:00.002+08:00

changed blog skin (: think i would still change back soon though (: even though this is nice,i still prefer the format of the old one (:

12am alr (: got to sleep soon,still got to wake up early tml,for piano lessons.
did the ndpeeps thing juz now (: decided to do it so can get a bit of national day qi fen?if not very sian.hahas (: wanna go watch fireworks lehh..but most prob not cnt bahhs ):

anyways,finally in good mood..
cause prom night table thing settled.FINALLY.
and my coursework done alr (: juz need add in lyrics and other things can le.even though it is not perfect and it is far from it...and it is not chopin nor brahms like other pple...ive tried my best (: hope simple would be nice too (:

4days hols (: shall chiong a bit of serial?and chiong a bit of work too.

ntng much this few days.. err talk abut results?failed 2 subj this term ): i told myself not to fail any.failed eng and music.both cnt be helped de
finallh finished 2.4 run,on thur.now im still having muscle ache and backache lahh.really lao le):
but im glad i got a A (: 13 mins plus?last NAPFA le.
chinese olevel results coming out soon.nxt week...
ms tan ask us to be prepared for the worse...
however,im still pinning my hopes high...
hope can get distiction?if i dont think i wuld be damn demoralised le lahh.hope can get A1!!
and today got into trouble for not attending ec..shall not talk abut it here dont wanna to be spamming vulgarities.yupyup.truancy case?nothing we can do.

shall go sleep.got to wake up early tml.

2009-08-04T19:06:00.000+08:00

about 3 years back then...
rmb that 4 of us were brifely mentioning abut prom night..
u said it was still far away lahh.4 years...
rmb xueting said that these for years wuld be gone real soon.
true enough,
2 years passed.
and these friends of mine is one of the reasons that im in the new sec 3 class.
however.things changes,after months.
it seem that things changed overnight.
maybe i dont have the time,to stop and care abut out friendship.maybe its me.i have neglected.
we miss that chance to save our friendship.
yup.i know im getting emotional here.
but seems hard to believe that the prom night we r talking abut wuldnt be what we have been talking all along.
jiaqi once said it is a sure thing that we will sit tgt de mahhs.
it issnt true now.
i think it quite a yi han not being able to sit with xueting,sharlyn and jiaqi...
but i guess..
since the decision is made...
everyone wuld feel happier this way.including me (:
i juz feel that it is a pity.

though im always trying to cheer wenxiu up but i dont know y i cant cheer myself up de.
of course i do feel sad...if i think abut the past...
maybe i dont have the time to be emo like last time.
i didnt know it wuld be so hard to maintain a friendship..
but there is no point crying over split milk.
whatever will be will be (:
and ive so much other things i want to say abut this thing lahh.
but im keep repeating how i feel (:

today im forced to play the piano.
for the first time in my life.
imagaine being forced to do something u like deep down in your heart but in a much diff way that u dont like.
trust me,it is terrible.
i almost want to give up on that component lahh.comp major.
but..haixx.it been 1 and a half years alr...and it is 2 months away.it is definitely stupid to give up right?
why cant i perserver and stop thinking abut giving up.
i may not even pass that component lahh,hu knows what the paper might be like.ms chen said something like that in a nice way.
im abut to give up,seriously.
my performance minor.
timing.presently abut 5mins 10 sec.
on 1st oct sure wud have adrenaline rush de lahh.
siao le lohh.
higher performace.
8 mins zhun zhun ahh.
cant bring myself to think abut it.
all i hope is the seab examiners wuld be like abrsm guy examinier.nice and not be so strict (: and hope my performance wont be 'under'time.
haixx.

JIAYOUS LITING (:
dont give up.
even if no one believes in u
u muz believe in yourself.
you can do it.

2009-08-01T22:41:00.000+08:00

yup.u think i dont know olevels are coming soon ahh?despite you scolding and scolding i dont even think im in the wrong lahh.
u think im spending too much time outside ahh?
u always think im not trying hard enough.
u always think im stupid (compared to kor and zixuan)
u like to compare so much isst?
im always getting better results than my kor even though he is much cleverer
compare among the 3 of us hu i putting in the most in studies.
i tell u,its me.
kor can play com for the whole day,how come i can spend my time out?
i dont think it is my fault lohh seriously.
u blame it all on relationships.
yupyup.
then what u want me to do u want me to give up on this relationship ahh?
or u want me to study until i go mad then u will regret.
im alr trying my best.
how come u think it is still not enough?
oh.so i know im taking 9 subj ahh?
u wanna compare yourself and me?
u took 7 subj last time.
kor too.
me?
u say im not clever.
im taking fucking 9 subj for goodness sake.
NINE .
i know i can blame no one.it was my decision.
im juz a normal student in a normal neighbourhood school.
im not clever.
u shuldnt be taking nine subj.
and yet im taking.
ni ke yi ti liang wo mahh?
im alr not complaining to u how much stress im going through alr.
cant u juz diam diam and respect and suppport every decision i make?
cant u?
u know how much i wish tat everyday,when i reach home,u can listen to me,listen to me how muhc stress im going through..at least i will feel better knowing that my beloved mum knows how much im going through.
but u dont.everytime i try to tell u.
u scold me.
say hu ask me to spend too much time outside.
is u choose ur subj combination de.
is ALL MY FUCKING FAULT THAT IM GOING THROUGH SO MUCH STRESS.
okay,even if it is my fault.
but cant u..
juz listen to me?
or juz for once.
believe in me?
for goodness sake i dont think im neglecting my studies because for relationship.
im not okay?
y nobody believe me,that im alr trying my best.
even i sometimes,i doubt myself too.
im really tired okay.
u used think that results is all that matter.
im getting the better resuts than kor.
but now.u complain abut me,
getting into relationship,
spending a lot time smsing,on phone.
tell u,even if im not into relationship i will still be going out de.
in the first place if i can find someone hu understands me at home,wuld i still be going out so much?
im really tired okay?
y cant anybody see how much im trying.
even when i want to give up,im still forcing myself not to.
even though everytime i smile and laugh at my own bad results, i smile and laugh when i dont spend enough time revising...
do u know what is actually happening inside me?
i feel bad.
really.
guilty.
all kinds of feelings.
im not trying to hide my feelings.
i juz want to be a happy go lucky person.
i want to bring happiness to pple around me.
i dont want to make them feel stress to.
i want to let them feel that actually tests and exams arent that scary.
im trying to lie to myself too.
y can u let me be a happy go lucky person?
and muz make me cry by scolding me?
do u know how bad i feel,when pple think i dont deserve it when i get good results and think i deserve it if i get bad results?
im juz not saying out how much im spending on my studies.
do u know how i feel when i put in my very best in music assignment and all i got back written on that piece of assignment is 'see me'
im laughing tell other pple" yup.im the one hu got 'see me'"
i laugh telling pple i failed this test.
i laugh telling pple its okay if i didnt study
i laugh telling pple not to be stress up.
im really tired.
there is so much thing i want to say.
really.
why doesnt anybody believe that im alr trying my best?

2009-07-30T23:22:00.000+08:00

blogging again.yup.i know.i shuldnt be.i shuld be studying for tests.
but im resting now (: for 15mins.i need to switch mode to bio (:
hahas.studied like 1 hr for ss.think cnt even focus lahh.too tired le.
but i muz try harder (:
think end up will sleep finish without studying.hahas.

anyways.i shocked myself twice for the same thing today.
for the fact that today is 30th alr.
once when im talking to somebody.forgot hu think germaine.
another time when i was blog hopping.
so stupid lahh.
for the first time.
the month of july really flies lahh.
hope august would be slower.
and september too.
and october...
yupyup.then from that onwards time can start to fly le.
hope lahh.
think im crapping.

guess many would not believe.
but im stressed up.
maybe i shuld be glad?cause im stressed up because of tests.its been so many months since i was this stress up because of tests.

2009-07-30T19:47:00.000+08:00

okay.i shall take back my words fof saying " i regreted not quiting music o levels"
cause...
kind of feel that there is a bonding in this small class of ours.
esp after lessons,listening to some of our classmates randomly playing piece,duet any o how.
can be really quite enjoyable.no stress,juz laughter.
but ironically,after every music lessons there wuld be STRESS.
course work(seriously it is not juz me that is stress up.other pple too kays?cause lef last 90mins!and it is bad.trust me.at the rate im/we working.im/we r going to screw this up.and its olevel)
performing notes
2 parts writing
this and that.
never ending.
but still,looking at a more positive side..
taking such a heavy subj really made me feel that other subj are much easier to study?
im looking things at a simpler way which i think is good.
i juz need to spend more time on the other 8 subj i have.

i think i shall slop blogging even though ive got other things to say?
hahas.
i shall go revise alr !

2009-07-29T22:18:00.000+08:00

first day back in school for the week and im tired out alr.
seriously.

was watching tv and then heard the national day song for this year..
kind of miss those days in primay school when we were FORCED to learn every year's national day song and FORCED to sing (:
really.
miss those days (:

this year,we dont even get to celebrate national day ):
even though last time i found it quite irritating?but now...
last year alr mahhs.hahas.oh well.

music test tml.think i wuld end up slping without revising.
hope i can have self-dicipline.self-discipline.

everything in life has its purpose.
no accidents,
no mistakes,
no coincidences.

2009-07-28T14:59:00.001+08:00

i cant seem to rmb what that ~~broken~~ orange chalk mean to me...